Mickey McMickersonMickey McMickerson

Washington, DC (CT)

I recently encountered the author responsible for a post online, proclaiming that something was fundamentally impossible for the United States of America. As you might know, the United States of America prints its own money and is armed to the teeth with the most advanced weaponry developed in the history of humanity.

“Mickey! Thanks for getting a hold of me. I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, I gotta say, I’ve had it with these crazy people online with all of their crazy thoughts and suggestions on how we can go about improving our country.”

“And I have to remind them, it’s just not possible, OK?”

“It’s just not possible.”

“I mean, sure we have our own financial printing press and can literally print our own money for whatever purpose we need to use it.”

“And yes we also have enough nuclear missiles to turn the surface of the Earth into a seven-layer burrito of glass, and really, who is going to mess with that?”

“Still. Whatever fringe, whacko suggestion someone has about improving our society simply is not possible, alright?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“It’s just not possible!”

“Sure, I get called and hassled by a southern-accented, passionate debt collector when I am $10 behind on my credit card after 30 days, but the United States of America has been proudly delinquent on its debt for decades now because… well, who is going to collect it?”

“Who is going to collect on a country that is armed with a million metric tons of nuclear fire?”

“And yes, I get that we have been at this game for a long time and have printed ourselves into nearly $25,000,000,000,000 of debt, and could quite possibly double that without any interference or action on the part of nations or parties to which we owe our debt.”

“Because, what are they going to do? How are our debtors going to get that money back?”

“We have the nuclear stockpile.”

“How do you collect on a nation when they can simply rely on the nukes to say ‘no’?”

“And I know this might even take that to another level of absurdity, but we even make money off of that debt, too.”

“But all of that is not crazy part we’re talking about here. Whatever that person online is suggesting we do to possibly improve the quality of life of our citizens – well, that is the craziest thing that I have ever heard of in my life.”

“And, quite, honestly, I am offended anyone would even suggest such a ridiculous, impossible notion!”

“It’s simply not possible, OK?”

“How many times do I have to get it through their thick skull?”

“So exasperating.”


“You’re nothing but a crazy loon to think that a country with the capacity to print as much money as it wants along with protecting such an activity by way of its nuclear force can do the ambitious, preposterous suggestion that you have insulted my intelligence with here today.”


“It’s time to unfriend some people. I can’t even with this.”


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